Jeremiah
32:27 -
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of
all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"
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The bad news is: You can't change your spouse! The good news is: God can! and will! And if God is for you, who can be against you? There is no pleasure on earth that compares with a "Great Marriage". Not money, not fame . . nothing! If you've never had a great marriage, then you don't even know what you are missing! You can have this with "your" spouse. It is worth the effort to make it happen, and you can. Marriage can be heaven on earth. (Yes - even with "your" spouse) "If both you and your partner are working together to save your marriage, you will. If only you are working at it, God will!" ~ Dan Douglass What can be one of the worst things for your marriage? One of the worst things for your marriage can be, beyond a doubt: "OTHER PEOPLE!". Who are "other people?" Other people are: Parents, friends, (male or female) relatives, boss, co-workers or even your children. If you are putting anyone ahead of, or equal to your spouse, your marriage problems are obvious . . You! But that can be a good thing. You can fix or change "you", but changing your spouse will usually take prayer and Gods intervention. If you really want to Kill Divorce and save your marriage, start with "putting your spouse first!" On this earth, no one ranks higher than your spouse. Absolutely no one, and you should never forget that! Not your children, not mom or dad, not your boss, not your pastor and not your friends! "no one". If you can treat your boss and your friends with an incredible amount of respect, yet argue with and belittle your spouse, Your priorities are very, very, wrong! This is how "not" to save your marriage. If your mother or your boss said something derogatory to you about your behavior, you would probably say: "Sorry, I'll do something about that, thank you!". On the other hand, if your spouse said the same thing to you, it would most likely make you upset and make you want to retaliate or seek revenge. Next time act as though it is your mother talking, but make your reply to your spouse, even "more" respectful. Wives Wives be submissive to your husbands! (period) If you've watched Christian TV or gone to church every Sunday, you have at one time or another heard someone preach "wives be submissive to your husbands". I actually timed how long it takes to say this. It was 2 seconds. Every time I have heard this preached, (anywhere) the pastor or speaker took 2 seconds to say wives be submissive to your husbands, then give a 20 minute apology and explanation to sugar coat and lessen the blow of these six words. The reason, because if you Offend women, you will lose them and their husbands eventually. No more tithes, no more offerings. Sadly, money seems to take precedence over Gods written word. No ministry should apologize for Gods written word! The apologies offer nothing in the way of keeping a healthy, happy marriage and certainly give no suggestions or help that will save your marriage. It is fuel for divorce, and divorce hurts! Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:23 - For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.Ephesians 5:24 - But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Colossian's 3:18 - Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.Ladies, does it seem as though God is trying to tell you something? If you want your man to fall in love with you again, start by honoring and respecting the position God appointed your husband in your marriage as the "head"".
1st Peter 3:1
- In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so
that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won
without a word by the behavior of their wives,
Do you understand what this means? If you really want to save your marriage, live a Godly life. You will not change "anyone" especially your husband by nagging at them or arguing and yelling at them! Power struggles and Marriage do "not" mix well! Jesus does not have a power struggle with the father over who is in authority and Man does not have a power struggle with Christ over who is in authority. This is Gods structure! (not mine) If you Want your marriage to be saved, Be submissive! Be compliant! Let him know you love him but, do so because you want to please God. Be such a blessing that he will be thanking God for you every day and you will draw him closer to God. Proverbs 16:7 - When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. This scripture is not specific to gender! It does not mean for a male only. The word "man" refers to the human race! YOU! Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. The point is "You" can't change your husband, but God Can. Don't focus on your husbands behavior, focus on yours! (that's what God will be doing) Seek God! You have a personal relationship with the father. When the day finally comes and you are standing before God (trembling, if your anything like me) God may ask you: Why did you get divorced? and why did you say and do all those things in the process? Malachi 2:16 - "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." You will probably answer God with: "because my husband said and did this and that to me!" God will probably stop you in mid sentence, not let you finish and tell you, This is not about him, it is only about "you!", now, without mentioning "him", why did you get divorced? Without pointing the finger at him, will you be able to give an acceptable explanation to God? Ladies, giving the typical answers commonly heard on television, radio, the media and from certain activist groups, may make other women stand up and applaud you, but it will not be acceptable to God! A. I feel like I've lost my identity B. We are supposed to be equals, and he thinks he is the boss! C. We've just grown apart. I warned you this would be offensive content. Concerning "A", When you said "I Do", you gave up your former identity! You now have a new identity. Matthew 19:5 - 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? Matthew 19:6 - "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Personally I believe that when a woman keeps her maiden name after marriage, she dishonors herself and her husband. When you leave this world, God will give you a "new" name. Are you going to tell God that you are going to be called by your old name also because you feel like you'd be "losing your identity?" Revelation 2:17 - 'He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it.' Look at the bright side. Your husband will finally find out what it's like to have "his" name changed. You just tell him to be real nice to you, or you'll pray that God gives him a name he can't even pronounce! Concerning "B", According to God, "Your husband "is" the boss!". You cannot have two chef's in a kitchen!, You cannot have two heads of a corporation, you cannot have two presidents of the united states and you cannot have two heads of the family! Someone has to have final say! 1-Corinthians 11:3 - But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. Women have gotten the impression for years, by certain groups, learning institutions and the media, that to be subject to a man, somehow makes you a bad and unacceptable person. That's what the world would have you believe. If this were true, then it would also be true that Christ himself would be bad and unacceptable if he were "not" equal with God the father, and man, if he were not equal with Christ. Jesus told you, "be not of this world". Above, You read 1st Peter 3:1 "Wives be submissive to your own husbands" How can one person be submissive or subject to another and both be equal? The private and the sergeant in the army are "not" equals! Although they both share the same goal, to defend this country, if every private is giving orders on the battlefield instead of taking them, the war is lost and so is the country! This is not to say women in general are not equal to men, but mainly when one has entered into the marriage commitment. Same with men. Gentlemen, if your boss at work is a woman, you are "not" equal to her within your corporation or workplace. If you insist on being equal, there will certainly be distention and a possible split up. (meaning you, will be looking for a new job!) According to God, marriage has it's own structure also, with the man being the head. God did not say: "Women be submissive to men", he said: "Wives be submissive to your own husbands as unto the lord". It does not mean that you ladies are to go around being submissive to every guy you pass on the street. God's laws concerning these things apply mainly within marriage and within the church. That is why it is crucial that you ladies choose wisely "Before" you get married, because Gods laws "will" apply - period. Do "Not" marry a non believer! Concerning "C", Although you may feel you've grown apart, God considers you "One Flesh" You don't just "turn it off" and telling God "Okay, I tried marriage with this guy and, well, you know, I didn't like it much. So I'm off to better things", will not be acceptable! Matthew 19:9 - "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." What this means is, unless your husband has been caught cheating on you, committing adultery, you have no legal grounds in Gods court for divorce! Therefore, If you eventually get married again, "you" will be committing adultery. Adultery is the "only" grounds for divorce in Gods court! My personal opinion is, try to work it out anyway and save your marriage if possible. Use divorce as the very last resort. Try God first! Find out what pleases God and then do it. God is faithful to his word. Gain Gods favor and God will take your man, shake him up and straiten him out! You'll end up with a great husband. A leader, not a tyrant! Someone you not only want to please, but will be excited about finding new ways to do it! 1 Peter 3:10 - For, "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT. 1 Peter 3:11 - "HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT. You're both yelling "God Save My Marriage, but If you want to stop a divorce and save your marriage, The arguing, yelling and name calling is not the way, it's bad for your life. Stop it! I will add that the yelling and name calling is worse for "you" than the person you are directing it at! If you want to see good days, "seek peace and pursue it". "Don't win the argument, win the marriage!" Husbands, while you were reading "save your marriage" pertaining to wives, I'm sure you all agreed with the "wives be submissive to your husbands" lecture! Which I meant with all my heart, but now that the applause have died down a bit, lets imagine our selves in "this" scenario. You have watched several prison movies (and we all have) throughout your life. The way Hollywood has glamorized them, you think it would be a cool thing to actually spend some time in prison and be able to brag about it. The tough guy, the hero etc.. So you go knock off the friendly neighborhood "711". The judge sends you to prison, but you find out it's not quite as romantic as you thought it would be. All of a sudden, your sharing a cell with "Bubba" who's shoulders are so wide he can barely fit through the cell door and who's arms are bigger around than your leg. Bubba then informs you that you are going to be submissive to him! Or in prison terms says: "You're my "bitch" now!" Meaning, you will do what you are told, clean the cell and provide "sex" whenever he is in the mood. Then comes the "real slammer", (only a comparison for the scenario) you find out that God commands that you are to be submissive to him and if you don't, you are displeasing God! Hey! You thought it would be cool to be there and you chose it. Too late now! Do you think for a moment, this would be any different for your wife? Women, starting when they are little girls, imagine meeting Mr. Wonderful, their knight in shinning armor, getting married and living happily ever after, only to find themselves locked in a cell. Women respect strength and leadership in a man, but no one respects a tyrant. Do you believe your wife should be submissive to you simply because you are the man? No! She should be submissive to you "simply" because God wishes it and "she" wishes to be pleasing to God. However, when you start acting like a knight in shining armor, She will start treating you better than a knight, probably more like a king. (and neither one of you will be saying "Please God Save My Marriage") If you are to be the head and the leader, you have to actually be "headed" somewhere! Seek God! Make heaven your destination, then tell her - "follow me". Okay, so the little woman has a great big mouth and never knows when to shut it! She's cutting, she's insulting and she's contentious. It is noted and you have our sympathy. Proverbs 21:9 - It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:19 - It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman. Proverbs 27:15 - A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike; Proverbs 27:16 He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. However, If you want God to save your marriage, the same advice I gave to the ladies, applies to you also! Arguing with her will accomplish nothing. If she is truly contentious and argumentative, by arguing with her or getting sucked into an argument, you are letting her control you! God did not intend for the woman to control you. Wise up! A little personal advice from me if you want to heal your marriage. From this point on, wherever you are and whoever you are with, talk and act as if your spouse were standing right next to you. Ladies, If you are having lunch with the girls, don't say anything you wouldn't say if your husband were sitting right there at the table with you. Including, comments about the waiters rear end, complaining about your marriage etc.. Guys, when you are at the gas station filling up and the busty blonde in the halter top that she borrowed from her 8 year old sister walks past, Pretend your wife is standing next to you. Matter of fact, just don't look! If you do not have the strength to do this little thing, you don't possess the strength or leadership required to be head of the family or marriage. Better start working on it! Do you want respect? Start earning it! Don't look, instead go home and stare at your wife! Proverbs 16:7 - When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. If you want to save your marriage, Stop trying to win the argument, and start trying to win the marriage! Ask what God would have you do, then do it. God will "NOT" be standing on the sidelines yelling: "Don't take that crap from her!, now get in there and get her!" (Not) Again, women respect strength and leadership. True strength is being able to resist firing back when you feel yourself being sucked into an argument. Instead, be a man! Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, Leadership is: making sure "you" are living and acting according to Gods will, sticking to your point and making it clear you are acting out of love. Skipping the name calling and other things meant to tear down the other person, because that is "not" how to build up your marriage. Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. To strengthen your marriage, is to build up the other person, not tear them down. You are both to be a blessing to each other and constantly help each other attain the goal of reaching heaven. Again, if you are to attain the leadership - make sure you are going someplace! Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.Don't insist on having the last word. Don't get reeled in every time she wants to have an argument. Stop trying to change her and let God do it! Because God knows how to make your marriage better. Stop trying to win and start seeking God! Put God first! Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.If you have never applied these scriptures to your life or have never lived them, don't tell me they don't work. They will. Stop trying to change her and start seeking God with all your heart. When you do, God will not only revive your marriage, he will make your marriage better than you ever dreamed possible. What does God require of "You"? No more or no less than he requires from anyone. Micah 6:8 - He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? Can you possibly walk humbly with god while you are having hate feelings against your spouse, yelling, calling them names, withholding sex as a punishment, not coming home all night etc.. . . Is this how you would fix your marriage? Leave the punishment to God! Wives be submissive! Husbands Love your wives as Christ loved the church and died for her. Both of you, Set an example for each other and bring each other closer to God. It has been my experience that you can't hate someone who is constantly nice to you! And neither can your spouse. Wives, you want a wonderful marriage and you want your husband to love you as Christ loved the Church and gave his life for her. Husbands, you also want a perfect marriage and You want your wife to be submissive to you and to have a chaste and respectful behavior. I will point out that these are biblical/Godly principles and laws that you are demanding from one another. For instance, do you remember the cartoon "The Flintstones? Fred and Barney were both members of the "Royal order of Water Buffalo?" To receive the prestige and ceremony awarded to a Water Buffalo, you had to know the secret handshake, attend the meetings etc.. Similarly, If you want to shop at "Sam's Club" and receive the discounts, you must pay the price and become a member. If you want Godly principles and laws to apply in your life, and you want to save your marriage, you need to seek the Kingdom of God first and become an active member! Once you sincerely do this, God will do any changing necessary in your spouses life. (and yours) Where changing your spouse is concerned, "God will not be needing your help!" Jesus said: Be not of this world. If you insist on living in the world, the world says women and men are equal. Meaning neither one of you deserve any more respect than would be shown to you on the street by a member of your same sex. If you really want a good, Godly marriage, Don't just pick the principals of God that are convenient for you at the time. Guys, don't expect your wife to be submissive, and Ladies, don't expect to be treated as anything special. Gentlemen, if you are living in the kingdom of God, Loving your wife and being ready to give your life for her, is "not" a suggestion, it is a "COMMAND!" Ladies, Similarly, being submissive to your husband is not a lifestyle alternative, "It is the LAW". Decide where you want to live and then "Live there!" You cannot live in the middle! God will "not" like it! Revelation 3:16 - 'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. Hear is something I would like you to think about. Write this down on a piece of paper and look at it throughout your day.. What have you done today to deserve the respect that you demand from your spouse? (ask yourself this often) Has your spouse been a beast? Don't just sit there, Tame them! for a moment, lets use a lion tamer as an example. The lion tamer doesn't just sit back and tell the lion to jump through the hoop, there is considerable effort involved on the lion tamers part if he wants to see results. On the other hand, he does not beat the lion into submission either. The lion tamer works hard at developing a trusting relationship with the lion "and" uses a "reward system", in which the beast responds to and likes. Also, one does not sit by the pond on a calm day and wait for ripples to happen in the water, one has to throw a pebble in! The point is, The first action has to start with you. How to define a successful marriage Simple, A successful marriage is one that has not ended in divorce or separation! (period) Unless the person giving advice has been married from the moment they said "I Do" until present, or their partner has died, they have "not" had a successful marriage! Even if the person giving advice was married fifty years before getting divorced, they did not have a successful marriage, and can not give you the best advise that can save your marriage. LOOK ELSEWHERE! Who do you go to, to ask advice on how to save your marriage? Well, for starters, If you wanted to be a millionaire, you would ask someone who already made a million dollars. Bill Gate's or Donald Trump, Not the waitress or the shop worker. Find a couple who has been married 40 or 50 years. People who took the "until death do us part" verse in the marriage vows seriously. Visit a nursing home and find someone, "man or woman", who had a successful marriage until the death of their spouse. (they'd probably love the company) Ask these people how to save your marriage. Whoever you ask, even if it be a pastor, therapist or even a marriage counselor, find out first if they have had a successful marriage. If they have not, they are not qualified to instruct you on how to save your marriage. Ladies, do not ask or take the advice of girlfriends! Especially those who have been divorced, never been married or someone cheating on their husband. If you ask them how to save your marriage or for advice, your marriage is doomed! Gentlemen, the same advice applies to you. Don't let "the Guys" tell you how to keep the little woman in line! If your hangin' with the guys more than your at home, your problem is obvious. (Better treat the guys real good, because eventually, that's who you'll be sleeping with, if not alone!) Ladies and Gentlemen - Don't seek help from anyone who has not "been there/done that". This includes: Preachers, pastors, ministers, psychologists, mom, dad, psychiatrists, Marriage counselors or even the sweet little old lady down the street! If they have not had a successful marriage, "Don't go there!" as a matter of fact - RUN! By example and trial, it is obvious that their method of mending a marriage, doesn't work. TECHNICAL SUPPORT - For Your Marriage - "Repair Manual"
I hope to have this online soon, so check back often. This will not immediately be available as a hard or soft cover book. It will be available as an e-book, and downloadable. I don't care for the many people selling books that make a profit off of other peoples misery. It will be free to all, but a donation will be recommended to support this ministry and website. This book is written by someone who's marriage is "Heaven on Earth". Yours can be too! The tools you will need are: Common sense, persistence and communication with your spouse and God. If your way hasn't been working, try it God's way. "His way works!" Where your marriage is concerned, I always say "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". However, if your marriage needs help, you might want to consider ordering this book. JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET ALONG?
Doing the right thing is not always easy. As with most of the content on this website, I never promise it will be easy, I simply promise that "It Works" if you do it. You can't break the laws of nature, gravity etc..., but you can break this law and live in peace. To read: Click on Newton's picture on the right. RECOMMENDED READING "The Tearing of the Flesh" - Is a poem written by Micki Lowery. If you are going through a divorce or separation, this poem will lift you up! If you read between the lines, it's also darn good advice. Do you need to be lifted up? Is it too Late for your marriage? Are you already divorced? You know, God "hates" divorce! You'd better hit the Panic button right now! ~ GIVE ONLY WHAT YOU CAN COMFORTABLY AFFORD ~
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Last Updated 06/07/2010 If you would like to be informed of future updates, articles and other things of interest, Subscribe below.  |
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If
you have read the entire article
(Save Your Marriage) and
found it to be helpful, you will love "Technical Support For Marriage
- Repair Manual". If your marriage has been
"Hell on Earth", then it's time to "Kick the hell out of your
marriage, and not each other!"
